Forget my Fansedge blogging debut â€“ Iâ€™m done with baseball. Whether a function of my beloved Chicago Cubs ruining the sport or my poor attempt at predicting the playoffs – (enjoy your baseball-shaped bruise Matt Holliday and well-played Kevin Gregg impersonation Jonathan Papelbon) Iâ€™m tired of baseball and I absolutely do not have the patience for Chip Carey any longer.
Chip â€“ what happened? Incorrect stats. Horrifically terrible calls. ClichĂ©s on top of clichĂ©s. I used to like you.
But back to me. If I wasnâ€™t ready to focus all my faculties on the NFL last week, I am all-in today.
Can you believe weâ€™re almost a third of the way into the season? Weâ€™ve already seen multiple shockers and utter disappointments.
Iâ€™d be lying if I considered myself a Clint Eastwood buff â€“ big Gran Torino fan â€“ but here’s my take on the NFLâ€™s â€śThe Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
In Sergio Leoneâ€™s film, Eastwood plays Blondie – “The Good,” a bounty hunter in pursuit of buried gold. He survives numerous â€śstandoffs,â€ť in his successful pursuit for the treasure. In a season with arguably the largest talent gap in league history, only a select few have a legitimate shot of collecting their bounty. I call these teams…bear with me: the unbeatens. The New Orleans Saints, Minnesota Vikings, Indianapolis Colts, New York Giants, and the Denver â€“ yes, Denver â€“ Broncos. All five of these teams remain undefeated and all five have a legitimate shot of hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in Miami. The Saints finally have some semblance of a defense to match Drew Breesâ€™ arm. Add in the return of Pierre Thomas on the ground and the exciting, yet enigmatic Reggie Bush in the return game and the Saints have the pieces to go marching. Their only obstacle could be a Kardashian or two â€“ but looks like Lamar Odom has that covered.
I donâ€™t know what’s more intimidating to a Vikings opponent, lining up opposite Adrian Peterson or Jared Allen? The â€śAdonisâ€ť or the â€śmean mullet?â€ť The only thing holding either player back is their equipment. Throw in a weak division and some guy named Favre â€“ and the Vikings could rack up some serious victories.
Next up: Manning Bowl.
Licking Oreoâ€™s ainâ€™t the only thing these Louisiana boys do well. Eli Manning and the Giants are running over teams, literally. Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw are putting games out of reach by halftime. But the Giants have capitalized on a ridiculously soft schedule, so I’ll give them the next month (@NO, AZ, @PHI, and SD) to really prove themselves.
Name me an adjective that has yet to be said about Peyton Manning – I dare you. The man is putting up career numbers with guys named Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie at the line of scrimmage. And he is currently on pace to overtake Dan Marinoâ€™s single season passing yards record â€“ by 200 yards. Wow. In related news, I hope Marvin Harrison has a great view from a barstool somewhere in Philadelphia.
Whatâ€™s the more hideous Kyle Orton accessory: last weekâ€™s throwback jersey or the neck beard? Either way, nobody around Mile High is complaining about Broncos coach Josh McDaniels any longer. He may be younger than many of the players he coaches and enraged an entire fan base before ever stepping onto the sideline, but boy has his team, and Brandon Marshall in particular, responded. Has there been a better moment this season than McDaniels post-game, on-field cheer lead after the victory over New England? Can you even imagine something like that from Wade Phillips? I’d rather not.
A ruthless sociopath, Angel Eyes – “The Bad,” is set on the murder and pillage of a nation…until Eastwood steps in. Unfortunately for the teams in this category â€“ Eastwood has spoken.
The Kansas City Chiefs, Tennessee Titans, St. Louis Rams and Tampa Bay Buccaneers are all winless. And that group doesnâ€™t even include the Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Browns and Oakland Raiders. Can you remember a season with this many terrible teams?
Iâ€™ll keep this short and give each team the effort theyâ€™ve given their fans.
Can we please stop calling Tennessee the best winless team ever? How long can that last? If you’re a Titans fan, hopefully not as Kerry Collins grip on the starting quarterback job. Ladies and gentleman, the Vince Young era returns! Not that anybody says that’s a good thing…
The Rams have been outscored by 112 points. That is three more points than the Chiefs and Titans â€“ combined. 112 points!
The week after Greg Olson, Tampa Bayâ€™s second offensive coordinator this season, called Cadillac Williams a â€ścomplete playerâ€ť and â€śevery down backâ€ť â€“ he ran for eight yards on 10 carries.
Did you see the â€śhighlightsâ€ť from the Bills-Browns game? Head coaches Dick Jauron and Eric Mangini, respectively, should be the first two coaches on the unemployment line â€“ and deservedly so. Braylon Edwards hit the lottery and took his fumbling hands elsewhere, could Terrell Owens be next?
Which leads me to the Oakland Raidersâ€¦
In the film, Tuco – “The Ugly,” is a vulgar and comical bandit wanted by the authorities.
Sounds a lot like the Oakland Raiders. Itâ€™s time somebody relinquishes this team from the ageless wonder, Al Davis.
Their quarterback, JaMarcus Russell, has brought new meaning to the word â€śbust.â€ť The former no. 1 overall pick is completing 40% of his passes â€“ worst in the league. He has one passing touchdown. And has thrown for 600 yards. Thatâ€™s a quarterback rating of 47.1 which, miraculously, is not the lowest in the league (Derek Anderson currently holds the honor). Making matters worse, the Raiders know he is terrible. Despite losing 44-9 to the Giants, Russell attempted just 13 passes â€“ a NFL low for team attempts that lost by 35 or more.
Their head coach, Tom Cable, may face criminal charges for reportedly breaking the jaw of an assistant in preseason. The case is now in the hands of the Napa County district attorney. Maybe the authorities can do us all a favor and place the entire roster behind bar.
The state of California vs. the Oakland Raiders.
Poor personnel decisions and offensive ineptitude – facing charges of up to three years in prison and a potential move back to Los Angeles.
So there you have it â€“ â€śThe Good, The Bad and The Ugly.â€ť Time to pop in a movie.The popcorn’s ready.