Usain Bolt adopted a cheetah named Lightning Bolt.

Stephen Colbert and Colbert Nation are sponsoring the U.S. speedskating team in the Vancouver Olympics.

A golfer tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Manu Ginobili pulled a flying bat out of the air during a basketball game. (I once accidentally pulled a live bat out of a washing machine. I thought it was a sock stuck to the wall of the inside of the machine. It screeched and spreads its wings. I threw it, said swear words, and ran upstairs. I don’t love flying bats.)

The three daughters of OJ Simpson’s lawyer are all over reality TV and gossip mags and marrying Lamar Odom and getting dumped by Reggie Bush.

The NFL and FOX devoted one camera to a single player for an entire football game on Sunday.

Stephon Marbury got ejected from a Knicks game… from the first row of paid seats where he was a spectator.

Nothing should surprise us in sports anymore – not Michael Vick, not Tim Donaghy (that one was almost predictable), not Tom Cable, or the Denver Broncos or Tennessee Titans, not Andre Agassi, and not even Syracuse WR Mike Williams quitting on his team this week. Stud college WR’s named Mike Williams do not have a good track record.

It shouldn’t surprise us that Brett Favre was booed mercilessly for most of the game in his return to Green Bay, where for 16 years the good people there put cheering for Favre on the same level as feeding their kids, going to church, and Old Milwaukee. I was a Viking fan living in Wisconsin for 14 years. I witnessed Favre becoming an icon, a legend, and seemingly a best friend to Packer fans. And while the treatment Favre got at Lambeau Field on Sunday should not have surprised me, it did. I didn’t expect a standing O or anything close to it, but I didn’t expect non-stop booing.

It’s about the same as a dude who dates a girl for a long time, then she decides to break up with him and he gets a bummed out, but when she wants to go back to him, he refuses and then hates her with more vigor than he ever loved her and when he sees her at the grocery store, he just boos at her through the produce section and all the way to the deli, down the cereal aisle and right up to the check-out counter where he encounters her new guy who is taller, better looking, makes more money, and was the same dude who struck him out in a high school playoff game to end his baseball career. And then when the girl and her new guy walk out to the parking lot, the dude is standing there with a sign that reads, “Legends Don’t Wear Purple.”

It’s about like that.

It seems to me that the same things that endeared Favre to Green Bay fans are the things for which they now boo him. He is human; he is flawed. They loved him for his energy and passion and for speaking uncensored early in his career. They loved his unorthodox play and didn’t mind his vices at all. He was like them, like us; he could have been your neighbor. But the flaw they couldn’t accept was the man’s inability to decide when to retire from the only thing he has ever done. He reached a level in the minds and hearts of Packer fans where the humanness of him transcended into something other than human and they expected him to be perfect. They forgot that he’s human. He is just like them, but they wanted him to be something better.

Then he went to a division, border, and bitter rival, which doesn’t help anything except the Viking offense.

And now he has found Sidney Rice and made him 6th in the league in receiving yards.

The Vikings improved to 7-1 on the season, including a Green Bay sweep, on which ESPN dedicated roughly 1,793 hours (and counting) of programming.

Chris Berman loves Brett Favre. He loves Favre more than Kanye loves Kanye.

Aaron Rodgers has taken 31 sacks this year through 7 games, thanks in great part to Jared Allen. Ten quarterbacks last year took over 30 sacks all season long, including Rodgers who took 34. Rodgers is a good quarterback. He can run and throw and he’s a smart guy. He can make every throw you need him to make except the one out of bounds to avoid taking a sack. And now he has two sprains to nurse.

Jared Allen has a great sack dance. As much as I didn’t like Gilbert Brown, he did too.

My brother works a job in Wisconsin where he uses two-way radios daily. He is a Viking fan living in Wisconsin and working with mostly Packer fans. When he confirms that he has understood a radio communication, in stead of saying “10-4”, he says “10-Favre”. One guy he works with has taken to responding to that with “12-Rodgers” – which is hilarious because it makes no sense at all.

Anyway.

The New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts are the last of the undefeated. Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are playing about as well as you can. The Saints receivers – Marques Colston and Jeremy Shockey, specifically – made some ridiculous catches last night in their win over the Atlanta Falcons. Jason Elam was struggling with the kicking last night and had he been on, it may have been more interesting than it was at the end of the game. Both Pierre Thomas and Michael Turner looked really good.

Manning and Brees are at the top of the NFL QB class right now, but Matt Ryan will be there one day soon, along with Joe Flacco, who led the Baltimore Ravens in a beat down of the previously undefeated Denver Broncos.

The Chicago Bears chewed up and spit out the Cleveland Browns. Derek Anderson has thrown 9 interceptions and has the same number of passing TD’s as he does rushing TD’s: 2. Not great. The Browns scored a TD… then missed the extra point. Not great. Eric Mangini, in response to a question about why he didn’t replace Anderson with Brady Quinn earlier, said, “I thought we actually moved the ball at times earlier.” Anderson was 6-17 for 76 yards, 0 TD, and 2 INT. Not great. They had 191 yards of offense and were 1-11 on third down. I’m not sure when Mangini thought they were moving the ball well.

The Dallas Cowboys routed the Seattle Seahawks. The Eagles spanked the New York Giants and now the NFC East has three five win teams. Dallas goes to Philly for Sunday Night Football this week. Big game with a couple of big play guys in Miles Austin and DeSean Jackson. The Giants play host to the San Diego Chargers, who had the good fortune of playing the Oakland Raiders last week.

I am begging Eli Manning to get things on track because I need Steve Smith to be an awesome fantasy WR for me and he hasn’t scored or cracked 100 yards in three weeks.

The St. Louis Rams and the Tennessee Titans got their first wins of the year. Steven Jackson got his first rushing TD of the season on Sunday. He is second in the NFL in rushing with 784 yards and has only 1 TD. The Rams aren’t good, but they were playing the Detroit Lions on Sunday.

The Titans beat the Jacksonville Jaguars, who I just cannot figure out at all. The Jags very nearly beat Indy in Week 1 and then beat Houston in Week 3. They beat Tennessee by 20 in Week 4 and then lost 41-0 against Seattle. They were favored by 9.5 points the very next week and managed a 3 point win over the then winless Rams and then this week they lose to the Titans by 17. No idea.

Vince Young played well, completing 15 of 18 passes. He did not have to do too much though because Chris Johnson ran for 228 yards and 2 TD’s. Maurice Jones-Drew had 177 yards on 8 carries in that game.

Ted Ginn, Jr is a guy I can’t really figure out either. Every once in a while he makes a big play – or two in one quarter like he did on Sunday – but he also does a lot of things that make you scratch your head (for non-Miami fans) and throw bricks at windows (for Miami fans). Rex Ryan and Bart Scott were not exactly gracious after the New York Jets defeat at the hands of the best football team with the best talent and the best of everything else in America, the Miami Dolphins.

Arizona Cardinals vs Carolina Panthers. Your QB’s: Kurt Warner and Jake Delhomme

One of them is going to turn the ball over six times. Who is it going to be? Delhomme, right? Wrong.

Not a good game for Kurt Warner. Warner is a really good guy. This has been well documented. And good guys are often generous and more than willing to share, so maybe Warner took sympathy on the struggling Panthers and decided to share the ball with them. It’s easy to hold Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin to 89 yards combined when Warner is being so generous.

If the playoffs started today, the Houston Texans would be a wild-card team. They beat the Buffalo Bills by three scores on Sunday. Two big things from that game: 1) Owen Daniels is done for the year with a knee (again, thank you Al Michaels) and 2) Terrell Owens was seen in the end zone with the ball in his hands for an alleged touchdown. It’s been a rare sight this year.

NFL leaders in receiving TD’s:
Vernon Davis, 7
Visanthe Shiancoe (and four others), 6.
Owen Daniels (and three others), 5.

Next Week: The Tampa Bay Bucs try to get their first win when Green Bay comes to town.

Quick World Series note on this NFL post: FOX gave the player of the game thing to Cliff Lee last night. Lee pitched pretty well but it was a mostly unremarkable performance. He gave up 5 ER over 7 IP, meanwhile Chase Utley hit 2 HR’s. I think FOX was more concerned with integrating movie previews into their broadcast than they were getting that one right. The Phillies go to New York now for Game 6. Pedro vs Andy Pettitte on three days rest. It should be a great. My wife cannot wait for it to be over so she can get her FOX TV shows back.

The 2009 World Series. New York Yankees vs. Philadelphia Phillies

There is a lot of prestige, legend, lore and dramatic music on FOX surrounding the Fall Classic every year. There are also super long pre-game and inter-game festivities.

None of the last five World Series has gone beyond a fifth game. I need that to change. The best part about post-season baseball is a Game 7. I get nervous at home, in my chair. Even when I have no rooting interest, I still fidget and shift around like my life is on the line.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for the players. Sitting in the locker room before the game, stretching, taking BP, throwing, going over scouting reports, getting ready, I can see how having been there before would really help. That’s good news for the defending champ Philadelphia Phillies. But many of the New York Yankees have been there, too. Not among them is Alex Rodriguez, who has never been in the World Series, neither has Mark Teixeira or CC Sabathia.

The Yankee Locker Room – Before Game 1

Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, and Andy Pettitte sit near their lockers with cups of coffee, reading the morning newspaper, and discussing their families, garden gnomes, and lawn maintenance.

Johnny Damon and Eric Hinske compare the World Series rings they won with the Boston Red Sox in 2004 and 2007, respectively.

Derek Jeter sits in the locker room, in a rocking chair, polishing his World Series rings. A-Rod, Teixeira, and CC sit on the floor, cross-legged, around his chair, having a snack.

A-Rod wears an oversized New York Yankees 1999 World Champions jacket. CC clutches his baseball glove in his right arm, like a child with a teddy bear, and holds six baseballs in his massive left hand. Teixeira sucks on a water bottle and rocks in place, a bat propped up in the bend of his elbow.
A-Rod, Teixeira, and CC ask Jeter questions about what it was like to win the World Series four times nearly a decade ago.

Teixeira: How do you hit in the clutch?

Jeter: Just relax, see the ball, and try to hit a line drive. It helps if you use Gillette Products and wear Nike.

A-Rod: How do I get people to like me?

Jeter: Dive into the stands for a ball and bloody your face. Or intercept a bad relay throw, flip it to Jorge and hope that Jeremy Giambi doesn’t slide.

CC: When we’re celebrating, should we do a choreographed handshake or just do big hugs?

Jeter: You have to be natural about it. You don’t want “Anything is possible!” and Two-handed up-top Wayne’s World high fives aren’t going to do it either. Also, Papelbon dancing should get you beat up.

CC: Hey Captain, if I hit somebody with 98 miles per hour of my awesomeness and he charges the mound, will you have my back?

Jeter: No, your fight is your own. I don’t have any fights.

A-Rod: When we had Kyle Farnsworth, I would just try to get behind him.

AJ Burnett walks over to Rivera, Posada, and Pettitte to show them the ring he won when he pitched 23 innings for the 2003 Florida Marlins, who beat the Yankees without him in the World Series.

Posada: You won that when you didn’t play and your team beat us. Why are you showing it to us?

Burnett: ‘Cause I have one just like you guys!

Posada: You can have Molina.

Then Posada stands up and punches Burnett. He sees Damon and Hinske with their Red Sox rings and he starts marching over to them, obviously angry. Before he can get there, however, Damon and Hinske take off – or Hinske tries to, but he is stuck on the bench. Posada chases Damon but his catcher knees can’t quite get him there. Damon tries to throw a baseball at Posada, but it only makes it half way to him. Damon leaves and Posada returns to his coffee and newspaper.

The three seated around Jeter’s rocking chair are all startled when Nick Swisher bursts in the locker room, cranks up some heavy metal and starts towel snapping people.

Rivera leans over to Pettitte and whispers.

Rivera: I can’t believe this is the guy Joe Buck thinks has changed the culture of our locker room.

Meanwhile, in the Phillies locker room everyone is loose. Almost.

Shane Victorino is throwing darts at a Russell Martin poster.

Ryan Howard is enjoying a meal with Jared.

Raul Ibanez is on his 1,273rd push up.

Jimmy Rollins is going over some game tape with Scott Van Pelt.

Chase Utley and Jayson Werth are throwing playing cards into a batting helmet.

Brad Lidge tucked himself into his locker to take a nap. He had another nightmare about Albert Pujols
and couldn’t sleep the night before.

Pedro Feliz is fielding more questions from Pedro Gomez about the seven seasons he spent playing with Barry Bonds in San Francisco.

Matt Stairs is working on a new power play for the John Bapst Memorial High Crusaders, eh.

Pedro Martinez is on the phone with his daddy in the other locker room.

Cole Hamels is hanging out with his wife. Oreos, anyone?

Carlos Ruiz, in full catcher’s gear, is watching Cole Hamels hang out with his wife.

Cliff Lee wakes Lidge up to challenge Utley and Werth in throwing cards into a batting helmet.
Utley hands Lidge a stack of Albert Pujols baseball cards to use. Lidge sees them and goes into a catatonic state. He’s listed as day-to-day.

Lee beats Utley and Werth by himself and then goes out and pitches a brilliant game in which there was no evidence that he broke a sweat or had his heartbeat rise above 70 beats per minute. Kid has alligator blood.

I want to thank Chase Utley for bringing the Pat Riley look back last night. Let’s get Chase a suit, a tie, John Starks and let’s go lose to the Bulls!

The item of the week is this 2009 World Series Dueling Rosters Tee by Majestic. It commemorates.

Here is the first post from our other new copywriter, Ariel Sandler. Ariel and Brent will be providing much of the content going forward, but still I’ll sneak in an occasional post. Enjoy…

Football, football, football.

That’s all Chicago sports fans have on their minds these days:

Can the Bears overcome a full season without Brian Urlacher? Will Jay Cutler do what the likes of Kyle Orton, Rex Grossman and others couldn’t? Is Johnny Knox a real person or reality show alter-ego?

And understandably so.

2009 was yet another disappointing baseball season in the Windy City. Mental mistakes and lackadaisical plays led White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen to question his team’s effort and GM Kenny Williams to deem his team “underachievers.”

Don’t even get me started on my Cubbies. A season full of hope quickly soured to angst and anger. The baseball gods did everything in their powers – even delaying the final crosstown matchup until September- but to no avail.

At least Jake Peavy ended up in Chicago…

But before I dive head-first into the football deep-end, a post-season baseball tournament remains. And who doesn’t love playing prognosticator?

Now that this year’s guests have all but arrived (Atlanta and Detroit, you are out. Colorado and Minnesota, you can stay), let’s begin:

American League Divisional Series

New York Yankees vs. Minnesota Twins

Well wouldn’t you know it…just when I had written the Twinkies off, both literally and figuratively, they go and win four straight games to close out the season and force game no. 163. And the little team that could – did it again! Who needs home run slugger Justin Morneau when you have the best player in the world not named Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer, on your team? Or when lesser known players like Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel combine for 59 homers? What is there to say other then, Thank you, Minnesota,” for once again proving a team doesn’t need barrels of cash to field a winner. Speaking of which…

The recession-proof Yankees are back on top, sporting a $200 million payroll and the league’s best record. Unlike the Cubs, New York’s offseason acquisitions worked out swimmingly. Mark Teixeira, the other switch-hitter, leads the American League in RBI and the golden arm, CC Sabathia leads the AL in victories.

It’s your classic David vs. Goliath. Only this time, Goliath snatches the slingshot out of the air and suddenly whips it right back in David’s face. Minnesota’s emotional high may net them a win against the Bronx Bombers, but I say Yanks in four.

Boston Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Thought about starting with a joke concerning the Angels name, but let’s be honest – that joke’s not funny anymore. So stop.

The Boston Red Sox seem to have underachieved all season. Or maybe that’s just because I have a number of their players on my failed fantasy baseball squad. But that lineup is stacked. Jacoby Ellsbury, Dustin Pedroia, David Ortiz, Kevin Youkilis and Victor Martinez? That reads like an all-star team. And only one of them has been accused of steroids.

Out West, the Angels continue to be who we thought they’d be. A winning team. They have played inspired ball all season and do so in a style many teams (paging Jim Hendry) underrate: speed and defense. But let’s not kid ourselves –name the Angels’ home run and wins leader.

(Still waiting).

If you said Kendry Morales and Joe Saunders – find something better to do with your time. The Angels will fight and hang around…until Papi lays the hammer down and continues his power resurgence. Sox in five.

National League Divisional Series

Los Angeles Dodgers vs. St. Louis Cardinals

I must decide: am I more excited for Manny Ramirez vs. Albert Pujols or Joe Torre vs. Tony LaRussa? “Wow…that ball must have gone 500 feet!” Or “What a pitching change! Look at that double-switch countermove!” Decisions, decisions.

Either way, this should be a good one. Both squads have received tremendous boosts from players not named Manny or Albert. The series may come down to which “role players” (Dodgers’ Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier or Cardinals’ Matt Holliday and Ryan Ludwick) step up.

As much as it hurts to say, I’ll take two of the top three National League earned run leaders, Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright. Cards in five.

Philadelphia Phillies vs. Colorado Rockies

The Rockies are back! This team just doesn’t go away anymore…ever. Troy Tulowitzki is ridiculous. Todd Helton is timeless. And Jason Marquis is winning games. This team survived the Wild Card cluster and almost caught the Dodgers.

The Philadelphia Phillies remain a conundrum. They are better on the road than at home. They just demoted their closer, Brad Lidge, a guy who was perfect in saves a season ago. But they have four guys – Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth, Raul Ibanez and Chase Utley – with over 30 home runs. Add two feared pitchers, Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels, and you should be set. Phillies in four.

American League Championship Series

New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox

Yanks and Sox. Sox and Yanks. Can you believe these teams haven’t met in the playoffs since 2004? Interestingly enough – the 2009 matchup will play very much like that series five years ago – only this time:

…with the Sox up 3-2 and mere outs away from a four-game sweep, Johnny Damon does his best 2004 impersonation (sans Jesus beard) and hits a two-run shot off Jonathan Papelbon in the 9th as “the Yankees win!…theeee Yankeeeesss win!” Hilarity ensues.

Sabathia and Burnett dominate games five and six, setting up the finale in new Yankee Stadium.
Madonna sings the National Anthem. Kate Hudson throws out the first pitch. And suddenly, Alex Rodriguez (you didn’t think I forgot about him?), realizes, “Hey, it’s good to be me,” and goes off. A four-hit night concludes with a three-run 8th inning blast for a 6-4 win.

And just like that – it’s Alex Rodriguez’s world. We’re just living in it.

National League Championship Series

St. Louis Cardinals vs. Philadelphia Phillies

Over on the senior circuit, the Cardinals and Phillies attempt similar fireworks. But that’s like any Seinfeld-cast member starring in a new show (although I guess Elaine wins). Pitchers absolutely dominate this series. They split the first four after a number of solo shots. Once again, Carpenter and Wainwright, prove the difference. Cardinals take the champs in six.

But not before Brad Lidge plunks Pujols in the shoulder – sending everyone, except for LaRussa, into a frenzy. Can he play in the Series? Why didn’t he simply hit the destroy button as the ball approached? Ladies and gentleman, your fireworks.

World Series

New York Yankees vs. St. Louis Cardinals

Calm down, Cardinals fans. Pujols is in the lineup. He is “The Machine,” remember? And he delivers, too. St. Louis grabs the lead after Yankee skipper Joe Girardi inexplicably pitches to Pujols with two men on base in the 8th inning and up 3-2. Pujols places one in the gap for a double and the Cardinals take a 1-0 lead.

The Steinbrenner’s throw a fit.

Girardi regroups, as do the Yankees, and take the next three games. The Cardinals send Chris Carpenter back to the mound in game five and he wins again – making him a ridiculous 6-0 in the playoffs.

The Steinbrenner’s throw another fit.

Sabathia takes the mound in game six and dominates. Couple that with two Teixeira home runs over the short porch in right and the Yankees storm the mound.

So there you have it. Your 2009 MLB postseason. The Yankees prove you have to spend money to make money. So the economy listens. And the recession lifts.

A guy can dream, can’t he?

So I just barely missed the trade deadline blog by about 5 weeks. Many, many apologies, but it’s been really busy around here lately. So, I’ll do my best to get up to speed on all the big baseball moves of the last month.

The Philadelphia Phillies acquired Cliff Lee from the Indians and so far the results have been mixed. Lee has gone 5-1 with an ERA under 2. He’s good. The Phillies were set the tone for the July trade deadline and as they tried and tried to land Toronto Blue Jays ace Roy Halladay, they stumbled into this little deal that netted them last year’s AL Cy Young winner, a right handed bench hitter that can play every outfield position, and they did all of this without giving up any of their top prospects. In the street we call that armed robbery with intent to do bodily harm. In Cleveland they call it business as usual. The Phillies now boast a playoff rotation of Lee, World Series MVP Cole Hamels, Joe Blanton, rookie star J.A. Happ and potentially Pedro Martinez or Jamie Moyer depending on need. It was strong statement and the Phils have been rolling ever since.

Jake Peavy was the National League’s Cy Young winner in 2007 and after a winter that saw the White Sox try to deal for him, a spring that saw him spend most of his time on the DL, Chicago GM Kenny Williams finally got his man, as Peavy agreed to waive his no trade clause and join the White Sox for their playoff push. The Good Guys have fallen further behind the Tigers in the AL Central, and the Minnesota Twins led by Joe Mauer aren’t far behind them. Speaking of Joe Mauer, I made a tiny wager with a few friends that Joe wouldn’t hit .390 this year, and for about a week there, I thought I was going to have to flee the country. Hey Joe, do me a favor and keep it around .370 will you? Peavy might not start again this season, but gives the White Sox 4 legitimate starters heading into next season. Should be fun to watch.

Alex Rios came to the White Sox as well in the biggest salary dump in MLB history. Rios and his 60 million plus remaining on his contract head to Chicago. The White Sox in return will send the Blue Jays a fruit basket and a thank you note. Rios has all the tools: he’s an above average outfielder, he can hit for power, average and steal bases, but he hasn’t really been able to put together a full season since signing his contract. We’ll see if a change of scenery will make a difference for him.

Victor Martinez also “left” Cleveland to join Boston, where the switch hitting catcher will provide a power presence behind the plate, at first base and DH. His value to a team like the Red Sox is really immeasurable, and he should help them as the chase the Yankees to the playoffs this year and next as well. Plus, his knowledge of handshakes in unparalleled in Major League Baseball.

Matt Holliday was perhaps the quietest and most important of all offensive player moves , as he went from ghost town Oakland to one of baseball’s best cities; St. Louis. Now I would argue that I could hit behind Albert Pujols and be an everyday major leaguer, but Holliday is hitting over .400 since his acquisition and the Cardinals have rocketed into first place in the division, so I’d say St. Louis made out pretty well here….Observe Matt Holliday in the AL. And now in the NL.

Who else, who else??? Scott Rolen went from Toronto to Cincinnati for a package of prospects. Scott is 35 years old, a heck of a baseball player and simply not worth a box of crackerjacks to the Cincinnati Reds at this juncture. Bizarre move by Cincinnati.

Jarrod Washburn went from Seattle to Detroit to shore up their rotation as they look to get back into the playoffs.

Finally, my childhood hero, Jim Thome went to the Dodgers to provide lefthanded power off the bench. Thome has entered the Karl Malone or Ray Bourque stage of his career where he’s ready to start chasing a championship. And I don’t blame him one bit. My only hope is that if the Phillies and Dodgers don’t meet again in the playoffs and save me from the uncomfortable situation of wishing prfound failure upon someone that I like so much.

And I think that about brings us up to speed in baseball. It was about the busiest deadline in recent memory and with the playoffs just around the corner, we’ll see which of these transactions works out best as the season wraps up.

Item of the week is any of these. Pick one up and celebrate a little vintage style as your team marches into the playoffs.

Back with more football previews sometime next week. Enjoy the long weekend.